Blossoming
by Princess Twilite
Summary: Post - "The Grave." Giles is having feelings he doesn't know how to deal with. Giles/Anya Romance. R&R please.


Title: Blossoming

Author: Princesstwilite2@aol.com [Princess Twilite]

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Giles is having these feelings that he doesn't know how to deal with.

Pairing: Giles/Anya.

Spoilers: Post, "The Grave."

Archiving: Sure! Just contact me, and tell me where you're putting it. Automatic archive approvale for UCSL, Magic Man, Tweedy Book Guy, and Untamed Desires.

Website: http://thatvisionthing.org/whip [Twilite's Whip]

Author's Notes: This is my very first G/A fic, but I suspect that it is not my last. I'll get better as I write it more, I swear! J

Feedback: Is always a plus.

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"Damn!" Giles muttered, scrubbing his hands through his hair as he walked out of the shop. This was not working out. Not at all. Today had been rougher than usual - Anya had moved quick and fast through out the store, like a machine. Picking up shattered glasses, scrubbing counters with rough strokes that made her hair bounce softly against her neck. Yammering on about the lack of business recently - how it bugged her.

Well, he'd like to tell her a few things that bugged him…

But he never would. After all, these thoughts were only new ones, fresh from battling Willow and staring up at Anya's lovely face when he'd thought death was close. So, it was surely his imagination - or post traumatic stress syndrome.

Okay, not completely new. But he wasn't about to admit that to himself. He was good at repression.

He was good at a lot of things. But she didn't seem to notice. He glanced back inside the window - saw her sitting at the cash register, her chin in her hand, looking as tired and sullen as he'd ever seen her. Something tugged hard in his stomach, right beneath his heart, and a frown crossed his face.

_Bloody_ - no. Stop there. _Not getting aggravated with myself. _

He turned his back firmly on the shop, went to get in his car, than decided he'd rather walk. It was a nice day, the sun was still high in the sky, and there was no way he was falling for Anya. So he took of his jacket, draped it over his arm, and tried to not go back into the shop, and see what was bothering her. He was sure he all ready knew.

Xander. It was always Xander. He wished he could want them back together and happy. He didn't. Xander and Anya. Anya and Xander - it had always been, but just now, he was realizing how little he wanted it to continue to be.

Things were difficult enough right now, he thought - as he crossed the street, raising a hand to the woman that had let him pass. She nodded her head and continued on. Giles stopped in front of the video store, sighed. In the window, as a poster of a young man. "40 days, and 40 nights." Giles muttered, reading the title. Anya had mentioned wanting to see that movie the other day.

"Oh don't be stuffy." She'd said, tossing a dish rag at him from the back room of the Magic Box, he'd caught it and frowned down at his hand around it, before tossing it back at her. It hit her in the face, and he tried not to smile. She wrinkled her nose at it, and pushed him out of the way. Anya had stalked out of the back room, before carefully arranging items on the shelf.

He leaned against the wall, trying not to eye her.

" It's just a movie for adolescents who are going through puberty and want something to relate to."

" And what's wrong with that?" She'd asked, spinning to face him, a lock of hair catching at her mouth.

Just like the breath in his throat. He could really learn to hate this feeling. He hadn't felt it since - he didn't like to think about when he'd felt it last.

" Nothing. But you're not a girl, you're a wo-"

She'd looked up at him, confused when he didn't continue. Woman. Anya was a beautiful, attractive, SINGLE woman. " It just seems immature." He said finally. She nodded, hair glinting slightly in the light.

" Yes. It is. That's why I want to go. I'm tired of the way everyone is so serious, and won't laugh." She looked toward the counter, seemed to consider it for a moment. " I mean, it's not like we've gotten a lot of business lately - you won't need me…"

I do need you. It had been on the tip of his tongue, ready to fall out, and he'd been shocked at himself. Where these feelings had burst from, he wasn't sure. Maybe when she'd held his head in her lap, the underside of her chin had been so smooth, he remembered thinking. So soft. ".. and it's supposed to be good. I heard a few girls talking about it when they were in here the other day." She seemed wistful, eyes turning inward. " I would like to talk about it with someone. I don't have anyone to talk about it with anymore…" Her mouth snapped shut. Was Anya learning to think before she spoke? He hoped not.

A kid on a bike whistling by, yelling out some vulgarity brought Giles back from the memory. When he would have turned, he caught his reflection in the glass, and froze. Was that him? His fingers tried to raise themselves to the tired planes of his face, but he wouldn't let them. Looked at the boy on the poster again, and told himself that he better get over this little obsession real quick, there were bigger things to deal with.

Like the absence of Spike, which had never been a good sign in the past, and he didn't expect it to be now. Like the fact that Willow hid in her bedroom all the time, barely eating her food. After all, Willow - Jesus, **WILLOW** had murdered in cold blood, tearing the skin from…

But he didn't want to think about that either. There was too much that he didn't want to think about anymore. Another, that he could relate to her. No one knew that, at least no one that wasn't thousands of miles away. Hopefully.

For a moment, very brief and short, and insane - Giles considered going into the video store and renting that bloody movie, walking right back across the street and shoving it under Anya's nose.

_" See?" He'd say. " I can be hip. I'll watch the damn movie with you! Just let me look at you a bit."_

But he knew he wouldn't. And though the coward in him irritated him, it was also the only thing keeping him sensible.

She smelled so good. Like dark chocolate. He'd never known anyone that smelled like her.

Xander couldn't have either.

_Knife. Make friends with my gut. _

It wasn't a long walk to the Summer's home. And he got there not ten minutes later. It stood just as it always had, normal and absurd in a way. Like a house where a slayer lived, should be something darker, harder - made of stone. Inside, he found Buffy in the kitchen, digging something out of the fridge.

" Buffy?" He said, and she jumped, banging her head on the door. Standing, she rubbed her head, grimacing at him.

" Could you NOT make me jump out of my skin, next time you.." She rubbed a hand over her mouth. "Bad saying."

Giles nodded toward the ceiling.

" How is she?"

Buffy looked up as well, before getting back in the fridge.

" Not any better. She came down here today, just for a minute," Buffy held up a salad, before dumping its contents in the trash. " But - when she got in the fridge, there was all this food that she and Tara made together - she just… couldn't take it. So she's back up there. And I'm cleaning out the fridge…"

Tears drifted into her eyes, but she went back into the fridge, grabbing the chilled herbs at the back of the fridge. Throwing them in the trash as well. Giles rested a hand on her shoulder, and she threw herself away from the fridge and into his arms. He held her close, while she sobbed out frustrated tears.

" Why?" She muttered. " Why do these things have to happen to US? We're out there every day, doing good things, and it's like nobody cares, all they want to do is beat us into the ground…"

" I don't know, Buffy." Giles hated the words on his tongue. " I don't know a lot of things recently."

There was a knock on the door, and Xander came through - a tight smile on his face. Giles stiffened, way too many people pulling at his heart, and Buffy drew away confused. But was immediately distracted by Xander and a big embrace. She accepted it gratefully, in need of the comfort her friends could offer.

" Hey Giles." Xander said, enveloping him in a tired hug as well. Giles tried to return it without his discomfort showing.

_ Anya._

No. Bad thoughts Rupert, stop having them. Yes. Just stop.

Xander pulled away, seemed uneasy for a second, before shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing around.

" So uh - how's…" He couldn't seem to finish the sentence. He glanced at Buffy and she left the room immediately, sensing a guy moment - knowing where this conversation was going. She was probably listening at the door.

" Anya?" Giles supplied, hands in his own pockets. They stood across from each other, and Giles wondered when it had started to seem like they were on opposite ends of a battlefield.

Wondered just how he could fight this war. There were no demons. Maybe an ex-demon. However, this could not be won with fists, fangs, or an ax. This wasn't a war he was even sure, that it would be right to raise his own victory flag in.

" Well - I mean, you're the only one of all of us that really sees her anymore." His voice was dry, rusty. " I don't try anymore, after…" Spike. " She doesn't want to see me."

Giles said nothing for a while, and then tiredly removed his glasses. Young love. Right.

" She's fine without you." He told Xander, and watched the young man flinch. " I didn't say she was brilliant, just fine."

" I heard," he said slowly, " from Buffy, that she decided to give up the being a vengeance demon again."

Giles nodded, stuffing his glasses in his pocket, and moving to grab a glass from the cupboard. Xander shifted uneasily. " Did she say why?"

Giles slammed the cupboard back closed, pushing the glass under the faucet roughly and filling it with water. With quick jerky movements, he got out of Xanders general space, and sat at the kitchen table. Couldn't really trust himself around this boy lately. Couldn't trust himself to be kind, when what he wanted to do was shout and shake the poor kid, until his was dizzy, and would spin in circles and lose all sense of direction to Anya.

Jesus, he hated himself in that moment.

" Giles?"

" Will you stop it, Xander?" He finally asked, rubbing his hands over his temples. How to deal? " There's enough going on right now, without me having to play love doctor to you and Anya." Xanders face went ashen, and then his lips tightened and he brushed his hands over his hair. There was frustration in his face, and a kind of slow heart break that Giles understood all too well, and it made a breath whisper through his chest, like a long forgotten kiss.

" I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to - It's just, I'd like to - know these things.:"

Giles bit off a snippy remark at the torn apart look on Xanders face, like he was bewildered at this sudden subtle attack on him. Hurt. By a man he considered his father.

God, what had he gotten himself into?

" Why don't you ask her?" He said finally. " Anya doesn't tell me everything. She's hurting though - for a lot of reasons. And you're only one of them. I think, maybe you need to give her some time…"

Xander shook his head bitterly. " Time. Right. Last time I gave Anya time to get over something, she fucked Spike…"

Giles stomach twisted, and he pushed his water away.

" Be that as it may, she was single." She'd had sex with Spike. He'd known that. But hated knowing it, and didn't want to know why he hated it. " And you had hurt her more than she's EVER hurt you."

He wanted to do something then. Something he would have done years ago, like knock some sense into this child-man. You've got such a great woman there, why can't you see that? She's so honest; sometimes it hurts to look at her. And you make her ashamed of it. How can you be ashamed of something so vivid?

He got up, avoiding Xander's curious eyes. There were too many of his fresh emotions in his own, and he wanted to avoid the inevitable inquisition. _Giles?_ Xander would say. _Has someone been lighting your fire?_

And what would he say back? " Yes. You're ex-fiance. By the by, would you mind if I take her out - maybe woo her a bit? You never gave her that. And I think she deserves it."

And that would go over terribly well.

Besides, by the shades of Xander's face - he was shaken up enough. It wasn't often that Giles wounded anyone with words, but he'd definitely got his shots in tonight. It didn't feel good.

" I must be going." He slid his jacket on, and left the house. Didn't answer when he heard Buffy call after him from the upstairs bedroom window. He just had to get away from there as fast as he could. _Traitor._ A little voice inside him whispered. _You want the girl who belonged to a man you consider your son?_ It didn't matter that they'd broken up; it was obvious that they were both still reeling from it.

Still….

He had left the door to swing open wide, wider. Like the rusty, chained gates of his heart. Slowly - slowly.

He walked back through town, faster than before, something powering his steps and forcing him inside the video store. The cashier didn't look at him funny when he rented the teen movie, but he wished she would have. Then he'd have a reason to leave it there, and walk right back out.

As it was, when he left he had the tape clutched in his fingers so hard he was afraid he's break it.

He could see Anya from across the street, moving around the shop - her hair a halo that cast gold through the windows - and blinding him. Giles slid his glasses on, and crossed the street. Carefully, he opened the door, wincing at the sound of the bells she'd hung back up. His ears were too sensitive to his heart pounding in his chest. Silly. It's just a movie. Besides, you're a grown man, well past the days where you stuttered in front of women.

He cleared his throat.

Anya spun around, gripping her hand over her heart, face frozen in shock. Then her pale face slowly smoothed back out.

" I thought you'd left." She leaned on the broom, glancing over his body idly, and he wondered if the quickening his his gut could be considered anything but hateful desire.

" Yes, I had." He nodded to the dirty floor she was swleeping. " Tired of that?"

" No. I'd like to - keep busy." Giles played with the buttons of his jacket, walking slowly to the cash register. Tried to put a little space between them, so he could make this movie a friendly gesture and not something more. She followed behind him and he wanted to curse her for it. " A customer came in." She told him giddily. " Bought one of those newt eye things."

He found himself smiling over at her, she laughed and got behind the counter again. Slid there, the way she belonged, in something they had built up together. Side by side. It was a stunning revelation.

" Nice to be back here." He said, distracted by two tiny teeth marks in her lips, like she'd been chewing on them nervously while mulling something over.

" Yes it is." She tilted her head at him, her hair brushed her cheek, and his fingers twitched. Don't do it, Rupert, he told himself. She isn't for you. Don't you dare touch her. " Did you miss it?"

He fingered the video in his over sized pocket. Would she laugh at him?

" I missed it." Looked at her, the way her face lay open and honest against the background of a wall filled with potions and illusions. " More than I imagined I would. It surprised me."

She scrunched up her nose in confusion. " Of course you missed it. You spend day after day, tending to something, being there with it, watching it grow, watching the way it changes, and blossoms, and it's hard to be away from it, you miss what happens when you're not there."

He wondered if she knew just how close she was to the mark there, just how often he'd thought of her. He'd find himself turning around in his flat, asking her if she'd like some coffee, if maybe there was something good on the television tonight - but she hadn't been there.

He'd known when he left, that there would be much taken away from him. But he hadn't realized that a big part of that hole, would be her.

They'd been working together for years now. He'd come to know her, the way she pressed her lips together before talking, the way her voice raised just a hitch when she was anxious. He knew by heart, that line on her brow, when she was trying to understand the blacks, whites, and grays of human nature. Her habits, all of it…

Now he wondered, how he'd missed the day he'd started falling for her. It was crazy really. Her - and him. He was getting old.. but then again, she was older than his lineage. And here he was, making excuses and reasoning it all out. What it came down to was there wasn't going to be anything between them. He couldn't let it. There was Xander to consider.

But he remembered the way she tasted. And it was beginning to haunt him, long hours of the night, with the sheets wrapped around him, he'd wake up sweating, clutching a pillow and whispering her name… terrified, just plain shuddering in fear of these budded feelings.

" So why'd you come back?" She asked him, and snapped him out of his reverie. She opened the cash register, and removed the money to zip it up in a blue bag. He watched this, as he'd been apt to watch her lately. But she didn't seem uncomfortable under his frank stare.

" Today?" She nodded. He touched the video in his jacket nervously. Just lie - tell her you forgot your apartment keys, tell her that you wanted your car just in case. " I - um," Slid the movie out of his pocket and shoved it at her. She caught it and glanced at the title before grinning up at him, so wide he thought his heart couldn't take it. " Rented you a movie. I thought you might like to watch it. Since it's been released."

That heart sagged when her smile did.

She waved a hand at nothing really - just the air, but the gesture seemed desperately unhappy.

" I can't watch it. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't have a VCR anymore." She smiled ruefully. " I should have taken that with me as well. That's what ex's do right? Try to take as much of each other's property so that their ex is miserable without them."

Giles cleared his throat. It hurt. Like there was glass mixed in the tubes.

" Yes of course. I apologize." He took the movie when she handed it back to him. " I just wanted to.."

" That's okay." She pointed at the cash register. " I'm not alone. I'm with friends." But it didn't sound nearly as enthusiastic as it once had. Where had his exuberant Anya gone? And since when had she become **his**?

He remembered the way her teeth glistened when a new customer walked through the door, the absolute joy she took, in making something her own, claiming a part of it - turning it into a success.

Anya's shoulders were slumped with time and depression, and she was gonna get out of that room he knew, before she started to cry. Giles took a hold of her hand before she could turn away, slide into the back room and learn to hide herself.

" I have a VCR." He told her, when that familiar line played across her brow. " It's not a great one, it's very worn out, and it's been neglected. Rarely used."

" Yeah?" She asked, that smile coming back, a light returning to her face. All over a movie. The simplicity of it made that string go ping again, this time - straight in the heart.

" Yeah." His voice cracked like a pubescent male, so he cleared it and tried again. " Yeah."

" Are you sure you won't mind me taking over your apartment for a little while?" Then she shrugged, and grabbed the movie back from him, before racing to turn the lights off in the shop. " Who cares?" She called over her shoulder. " You offered. I'm accepting."

A small smile of his own stretched across his face, and it felt strange there - so strange it was right.

Anya was waiting at the door for him, tapping her foot.

" You coming? I really want to see this movie. I heard the ending was great."

He nodded, and walked with her out the door, waited as she flipped the sign, and locked up. She surprised him by hooking an arm around his and practically dragging him to his car. And there was that ping again, this time stronger, from his lips to his toes. Her hair brushed against the skin of his neck.

Giles shivered and tried not to let her see it. Opened the door for her, and let her slide in. When he got in beside her, butter flies started thrumming away in his stomach. But it felt good.

" The ending?" She nodded enthusiastically. " Maybe it will be good. Either way, at least you'll have someone to talk about it with."

She looked at him strangely when he pulled out of the parking space.

" Yes. I suppose so." She twisted her mouth, hiding a grin. " I wonder how soon you'll fall asleep while watching it. I know it's not you're type."

His only reply was a rakish grin.

Because he couldn't help it. Really. And even with all the problems it was going to cause, problems that would just add to the mile long list of the ones they all ready had - he wasn't sure that he really wanted to.

Besides, it had been an awfully long time, since he'd sat down, and talked to someone about a movie.

** End.**

So yes, that was my very first Giles/Anya fic. But certainly not my last.


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